FRUSTRATION: When a Woman's Fed Up

Frustration comes over me as I sit here and think about you. You fed me words that invoked feeling and emotion; And when I began to seek the actions to back it up, you took me through the motions...but I am starting to think it was all a lie, and I wonder what is truly inside.  I swallowed my pride, and a little piece of me died inside, but it allowed me to give you a try, and you ruined it. You started messing up a little bit, and then a little more, and I threw a fit and then the communication started being a hit and miss and the arguments augmented and I was yelling, "You are not going to treat me like I aint shit!" and the drama persists.  I think it would be best if we just quit, end it.

You see, I am not your average chick.. and for that reason, I must find a man  that I am extremely compatible with. My soul mate.  My other half.  Someone who compliments my style, who is worthwhile, and who makes my light shine brighter. Leaving you alone will not be easy, but I have always been a fighter.

Ok.. perfect opportunity...you are not answering the phone, and I must condone this behavior, and not be the savior of your anger but let it happen. Real talk, if we don't break up soon we will be scrappin'. It is just the frustration that consumes me.. I really think it is best that I let you be...you. And me be me.

I understand that this may be kind of abrupt.. and I never meant to hurt you, just like I promised.. so I will come and see you just one last time to pay homage...to the good days. But when I see you, I am going to remain true.  I will keep it honest and tell you that I cannot stay.  You are crazy. You think that you can take my heart, play, tell me anything, and I should just look the other way or say "ok".

I really hope I gain the wisdom and insight to do this right.  Hold firm to my word and do what's best for me despite my urges to slip back into a routine that could ruin my life.  All these mixed emotions are causing me strife. UGH!! I can't believe I allowed you to get to me and make me feel so uneasy!! The frustration that consumes...

To whom it may concern:

For a long time I was in the dark. I deprived myself of the light that I needed to survive, I stifled my spark, and instead I just got high.  I tried to numb the pain, but when I sobered up, I saw that it was just in vain, but now I know what has been ingrained inside me for so long. I know why I am so strong, it is because I AM...and I was all along.  This sensation of knowing self, is greater than all monetary wealth, it is good for my health, and in it I dwell...I GOTTA go to heaven because I am living in hell. Finding inner peace, to me, meant that I got to maintain my sanity, my membrane expanded you see, and I made myself a better me! Now I live happily, and I build with everyone, from those who deliver babies to those who kill a mother's only sun. Yes, you were right, I AM THE ONE. I am honored to be able to share this sensation, with people like you, in the nation...this collaboration could make a paraplegic jump up in celebration.  

Sincerely,

A Black Queen

Who are you?

If someone asked, "Who are you?", what would be your response? Would you even know what to say? Will you define yourself based on the relationships you hold? The job you have? The accomplishments you made?  Or will you give them the scientific answer?? Will you tell them your species? Will you state your [European] name?  Will you mention where you came from.. I mean, where you are forced to be??  WHO ARE YOU?? Do you know your true ancestry and genealogy or did you just accept the [fake ass] "fact" that you were "discovered" or "brought to the US as slaves".. Did you even question what everyone told you? Did you look it up for yourself? Where was your great, great grandfather born? Do you know? Who was HE? Have you ever tried to find out? Which aspect of civilization did YOUR people invent? What was your original language/dialect? What are your talents? What were THEIR talents? Which ones were passed down to you? Where did you religion come from? Why do you believe? What is the most important part of your culture? What is your favorite aspect of your culture? How do you preserve your culture? What is your history? What role have your people played, historically? WHO ARE YOU? Why do you look like that? Why do you think like this? Why don't you act them? Why don't they like you? Where do you live? Where do you come from.. no, seriously, at the beginning of time.. WHERE WERE YOU?

If you are unable to answer these questions, then you have NO IDEA who you are.  You claim you do.. you claim you are real.. you claim you are your "own person" but all you have really done, is allow everyone else to tell you who THEY think you should be.  You have just been a follower your whole life, waiting for someone to put you where they want you. Waiting for others [who know NOTHING about you] to tell you who you should be.
Take some time out to think.. so that you can know.  Knowledge is Power.  WHO ARE YOU?

Step 1:You must know where you came from, to know where you are going. (Or else you may wind up going around in circles.)

Peace

Queen Black Wisdom

An abandonment without liberation usually is the circumstance

Abstraction seems to be the method of madness that the masculine species use

Ultimately the fullness of her superior origin comes to aid

Resurrection becomes that common sway of existing 

Simply due to the fact that a masculine energy works against, Queen Black Wisdom

Surely that all seeing, knowingly is wise beyond the dome of the physical being

No enslaved mind acknowledges the truth

of Queen Black Wisdom

Leaving only those that are sincere

The ones that embrace openness to continue the process of evolution

In my elevation, mind is the seed that brings about all

Sequences show the actual order, wo-man

Queen Black Wisdom was, and then came man

Mother in nature never needs to be questioned

The answer is obvious to those with an open mind

Queen Black Wisdom, Queen Black Wisdom, Queen Black Wisdom

Author:

Calvin Antonio Spencer

14364-056

Federal Correctional Institution 2

PO Box 1500

Butner, NC 27509

**Free Tony**   

Get used to me...

I have some things to say dammit!! I am about to put myself and my thoughts out there.  Everything I say, I say for a REASON... get used to me! Who knows what may come out of  this blog... I think it, I say it.  Somebody will hear me! My words will resonate with someone, somewhere, and that is all that matters.  I look forward to all the hate that is about to come my way.  You are NOT going to like me because YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!