My Thoughts On 'Dark Girls'

So I watched the 2-hour documentary entitled ‘Dark Girls’ that aired on the Oprah Winfrey Network. When I first heard of this documentary, I was hella excited. “Yes, let’s talk about it!”, I thought.  I actually welcome discussions like this simply because I do not believe we have appropriately addressed or dealt with the mental affects of slavery, such as colorism, within the black community.

 I was very optimistic about how great this documentary would be, however, about one hour into the documentary my optimism faded and excitement turned into disappointment. I expected a fairly thorough (2 hour) discussion about colorism, its origin, its affects and how we can rise above by letting go of Eurocentric beauty standards…but I hardly saw any of that.

Instead I saw a bunch of (seemingly) depressed dark skinned women with low self-esteem, and a bunch of black men who “prefer” to date light skinned women. Womp. 

This documentary fueled the negative propaganda we see on a daily basis. The entire documentary carried an undertone of “dark skinned girls are insecure and have low self-esteem”, “black men do not like dark skinned girls” and “white men know how to find beauty in/appreciate dark skin” (the ‘white savior’ undertone annoyed me most).  Not to mention the lack of history presented. They took about 5-10 minutes at the very beginning to mention things like the “brown paper bag test” and they may have said the word “slavery” once… but it seemed that the main message was that black people fuel colorism. (While I do not particularly disagree,  I think that it is very important that we understand where the skin tone division came from.) 

The documentary hardly showed any images of dark skinned women who loved themselves, black men who loved us, or strong black families. It made us dark skinned women look weak, in my opinion. 

We certainly didn’t need anyone else to highlight or reinforce feelings of insecurity or inferiority among black women and we most definitely didn’t need anyone fueling gender wars within the black community (which this documentary did, based on the numerous tweets I saw damning black men to hell and suggesting that white men were the answer).

The documentary offered no insight for moving forward, and getting past this slave mentality. As a matter of fact, I don’t remember any of the women saying the words “I am beautiful” at all, throughout the entire 2 hours. What was the point of bringing up skin tone if the beauty of black women was not emphasized?

The scenes with the little girls who didn’t “want to be black” or who thought that light skin was prettier and smarter were heart wrenching. I really hope that someone was able to have a talk with those beautiful children to let them know that they are in no way, shape or form ugly or dumb. That they never have been and that they never will be. I would hate for those harmful mentalities to go uncorrected. 

The male perspectives of this documentary were annoying. 90% of the black males interviewed did not like dark skinned women and all of the white men just loved us. *rolls eyes* All that money ya’ll have, and you couldn’t give us more positive examples of black men who love black women? Ridiculous. I also noticed that many of the black men interviewed had very ignorant perspectives… while the white men dropped jewels about OUR community and OUR women. Where they do that at? Oh yeah, on TV.

The “love yourself” message came literally within the last 4 minutes of the documentary, obviously not a high priority item for the producers.

And I can’t help but mention the network’s timely placement of “skin enhancement” commercials during every commercial break. What are you tryna say, Oprah? Subliminals, much?

All in all I can’t say that I absolutely hated the documentary (a couple of people dropped a couple of jewels… just a couple… and at least they gave us some shine… I guess) but….

Oprah and friends, I’m gonna need for you to do better!

Let’s discuss our history, our beauty, our strengths.  Let’s close the gender divide in the black community, not exacerbate it. Let’s hear about strong, positive black families who practice self-love. Let’s do better.

End Black On Black Violence!

Growing up in the “hood” we were a bit desensitized to violence, so when I got the text that said “___ has been shot” I'm not going to lie.. my initial reaction was “Who was fighting? Who is he beefing with now? Who was out there acting stupid?”

Unfortunately, people getting shot in my hood is not an uncommon occurrence.  By the time I graduated from high school, I had crawled my way out of at least 4 shoot outs, ran from a few other situations before the guns came out and lost multiple associates to gun violence. Hell, I even stood beside a person as they initiated a shoot out… Do you know how it feels to know that someone beside you is shooting…meaning that all shots fired in retaliation are headed your way? I hope not.

When I heard that he had been shot I immediately thought “I wish him a speedy recovery”. And then I got the second text. He passed. Whoa. My stomach began to turn and my hurt began to ache. Trying to process what I had just been told. And then I thought of my friend. One of the best friends I have had, ever. His fiance and girlfriend of over 10 years. If I am this distraught, how does she feel? And then I thought of their kids… Wow. I can’t bear the thought of the kids. I can hear his son’s voice now.. his favorite words :”I’m going with my daddy. I want to go with my daddy”.  He was such a daddy’s boy. And I cried. And cried. And cried. And couldn't sleep. And tossed. And turned. And cried. 

And why oh why did I visit Facebook. The pictures, the condolences, the memories. And I cried a little more. He was a good man. Never seen him angry, starting trouble, or fueling drama. The pain caused by his senseless murder is a bit overwhelming.

Rest in Peace brother. We will keep your memory alive. I hope this will prompt our community to end the violence! Not willing to bury anymore of my brothers or sisters. I cant handle it. Its all too much. 

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And then all I continue to hear is “we’re praying for you” and “God makes no mistakes” and “just let go and let God” and (if I may be completely honest) that bullshit is pissing me off. 

I am not mad at the fact that you have faith in your God, I am upset about the fact that everyone is continuing to act as if these types of things are way beyond our control. As if we cannot change our destructive behaviors and mentalities towards one another. As if WE are not at all responsible for the state of our households and communities.  As if we do not glorify the very violence that stole our brother’s life. 

This is no time to keep saying “the good die young” and post this brother’s picture on a T-shirt and move on until the next death. No. This is a time to take action. Over 300 people “liked” one status on FB, expressing condolences for this brother’s family. That’s at least 300 individuals, households, families that can help prevent anything like this from happening again. We need to come together.. have the conversation.. hear one another’s concerns.. support one another. We need to make sure our kids are taken care of physically, emotionally and spiritually. That’s 300 individuals in one small town who are hurting and aware that things need to change. We've got to make something happen.  If we continue to do what we've always done, we will continue o get what we've always gotten. And I’m not willing to accept that.

So sure.. pray to God. Ask for peace of mind, deliverance, guidance, relief..whatever you need.. but don't you dare neglect to take personal accountability for the way you affect your environment. Don’t you dare “let go and let God” to the point where you feel helpless to improve your situation. Because there is a lot that you can do.

Change your energy, change your life. We need to vow to love one another and tolerate our petty differences. We can BE the change that we want to see in our world. BE positive. BE loving. BE caring. BE supportive. GIVE BACK.  There are things that you can do right here, right now to improve your situation. 

DO THEM! Peace.

The Problem Is...

The problem is, we lack UNITY...we no longer have a sense of community, no desire to lend a helping hand. Hell, we hardly have the desire to help OURSELVES, let alone ANOTHER man.

There is strength in numbers, but instead we decide to constantly divide, and give one another hell, snitch, and throw one another in jail over petty shit. Over insignificant things, we bitch... we worry about the superficial, the materialistic... that Willie Lynch shit that keeps us separated.

The problem is, we stopped teaching our kids, hell, our children don't even know what their history IS.  They've never heard about the kings, queens, their contribution to the Universe...our young men think they have to be thugs and our young women do not even know their worth.

We have to take a stand, be devoted, love our women and combat the system. Teach our kids who they are, spread knowledge near and far. Let them know of their potential while they are young and we are most influential. Give them your support, build rapport and lead by example. They best way to get them to appreciate the benefits of hard work is to show them a sample.

The problem is, we began to settle.  We stopped aiming for the top and found comfort in the middle.  We took the inch, but didn't go for the mile, even though it took our ancestors' blood, sweat, and tears to gain equal rights, to reconcile.

The problem is, people are convinced that they cannot progress, or have success, and to me, that just makes no sense.  That's the lie they want you to believe, the lie that things will always be hard and that we will not succeed.  Anytime you want something better in life, you are going to have to work hard and sacrifice.

The problem is, we lost that traditional sense of family, that feeling of "I will do anything for you and I know that you will do the same for me...for eternit because unconditional love has become a dud.  We spend time with each other only on the holidays, and even then, we don't know what in the hell we celebrate.

Yes people, it is time for us to come together, learn from all of the stormy times and concentrate on the beautiful weather.  Its time for us to wake up, get right...  start at step one and get things done...in no time, we will be able to basque in what we have become: Solutions to these problems.

We May Have Won The Battle, But We Are Still In The Middle Of War: A Call To Action

So, Reebok decided to stop endorsing  Rick Ross over his controversial lyrics in the song "U.O.E.N.O.".  In the song, Rick Ross says "put molly in her champagne, she ain't even know it, I took her home and enjoyed that, she ain't even know it." The lyrics gained a lot of attention, especially by prominent feminist groups and on social media outlets such as Twitter.  People were PISSED. How dare he say such things? How dare he condone date rape? How dare Reebok support him?  Rick Ross offered a couple of half-assed apologies, saying that everyone "misinterpreted" his lyrics, and that he never actually used the word rape yada, yada, yada. Anywho, the fake ass apology didn't fly and Ross ended up losing his endorsement.

First of all let me start off my saying I WOULD NEVER, EVER, EVER SUPPORT OR CONDONE ANY FUCKTARD WHO THINKS IT IS OKAY TO HAVE SEX WITH WOMEN WHEN "they don't even know it". I WOULD NEVER, EVER, EVER CONDONE OR SUPPORT RAPE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM.

 Also, I love rap music. I love hip hop. I love lyrics. I love beats.  I love the genre. I do NOT love the way that women have been constantly disrespected, objectified and exploited through rap music.

Now. Let's take a little look at the genre of rap/hiphop in general.  For this blog posts sake let's stick with mainstream rap. This is no where near the first time (and I can guarantee that it will not be the last time) we have seen rap lyrics that glorify rape and misogyny. Why have we let this continue for so long? Why are we allowing our sons and daughters to idolize these childish, immature bigots? This has been going on forever, and we need to withdraw support from this type of behavior, IMMEDIATELY. Don't believe me, check out this list of '32 Overlooked Rape Lyrics in Rap' >>> http://smokingsection.uproxx.com/TSS/2013/04/50-absurd-rape-lyrics#page/1... and this is a small list.

Those lyrics were disgusting, right? Why no national outcry? Why no protests of those artists? Why have we (collectively) accepted this bullshit?

While I completely and wholeheartedly agree with Reebok's decision to withdraw their support from Rick Ross, I must ask when Reebok decided to care about Ross' lyrical content.  Did they not realize that he has been rapping about drugs, violence, and disrespect towards women for his entire rap career? Likewise, while I am elated that people decided to take a stand against this disgusting "rape culture" that seems to be increasing, I must ask WHY NOW? Why are we just NOW denouncing these type of lyrics on a large scale?

We have really got to do better.  People always say "oh its just a song" or "they're just lyrics" and "its only entertainment" but we do realize that media heavily influences people's thoughts, which in return affects people's actions, right?  And by people I mean the youth. It is the youth who are most influenced by the media and celebrity actions. And the youth are our future. We have to start giving them appropriate examples to live by, and insisting that inappropriate examples no longer be romanticized. If we do not lead, mentor and support the next generation, who will?

There is soooo much more that I would like to say on the topic of respecting our women, women respecting themselves, the horrendous act of rape and the idiotic support that violent language and images receive... but those will be other posts for other days. For now, I just want to say to everyone: DO BETTER. We deserve better. The next generation deserves better. I am not willing to destroy all morale just to preserve (inappropriate) entertainment.  We have got to start supporting more positive images of ourselves.  We have got to start providing more positive images of ourselves. We have got to start leading by example. Our LIVES depend on it.

We may have won a small battle (getting a corporate sponsor to publicly denounce Rick Ross on behalf of his harmful, rape-promoting lyrics) but we most definitely have not won the war. Although we CAN WIN THE WAR if we take a stand and refuse to tolerate blatant disrespect and counterproductive entertainment.

I am willing to take that stand for our future. Are you?

My Response to LL's Verse on 'Accidental Racist'

WHAT IN THE ENTIRE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING DUDE? 

So this was your big chance to address the black experience in the American South and you chose to tell white people that we would forget the iron chains (aka 400+ years of brutal chattel slavery, rape, murder, degradation and mutilation) if they didn't judge our gold chains? Really?

So you're just going to tell white people that they can wear swastikas and confederate flags if they accept our du-rags (DU-RAGS... something that NONE of us black folks even wear anymore).

You REALLY thought it was a good idea to tell white people that they don't know what its like to live in the hood, and not to judge your sagging pants? Surprised you didn't tell them to buy us all fried chicken and "Free My Baby Daddy" TShirts.

Whelp, I guess I should be happy that you were able to display  manners by addressing your hypothetical audience as "Mr. White Man" , and telling him that you want him to get paid, and that you would love to buy him a beer and "conversate". (*PAUSE* No one was able to inform you that conversate is NOT a word? None of your producers, writers, editors, publicists, NO ONE advised you against using a made up epithet? Damn.)

And then those ignorant ass ad-libs at the end REALLY got me. Of course you had to let everyone know (on a country song about a white man in the American South) that you are not from the South, because that was so relevant.  Then you made sure you told us, multiple times, that we should "let bygones be bygones" and forget the past. Yeah, ignore our history. That's right. It isn't like our existence is rooted in our history at all. No, no, no...we should let the past be the past. Forget where we came from. A tree can survive without its roots, right?

Oh, and the shoutout to Robert E. Lee and Abraham Lincoln for "freeing" you (aka the slaves), cute. Except you neglected the small fact that Abraham Lincoln NEVER had the best interest of the slaves in mind. He didn't even like black people.  Thanks for not giving a mention to any of our great pioneers. Thanks for not acknowledging our resiliency and strength. Thanks a lot.

Quite frankly Mr. LL Cool J, sir... YOU FUCKED UP. That was some of the most embarrassing shit I have seen to date.  If I may offer a few words of advice: just stick to licking your lips and taking sexy pictures.  Keep your mouth closed on the racial issues next time, okay? We'd really appreciate it.

Sincerely,
A Black Woman from the South who has never worn sagging pants, gold chains, or du-rags

End Black on Black Violence: The Intro...

I want all black people to make a conscience effort to deter, and ultimately (ideally) put an end to black on black violence. No one likes to think about our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, sons and daughters being murdered.. but it happens every. single. day at alarming rates!!

Did you know: Black people make up 13% of the population, but 50% of homicides.

Did you know: out of the 7,000 black people murdered PER YEAR, 94% of those murders occur at the hands of other blacks.

Did you know: Young black males die from gun violence at a rate that is 8 times higher than their white peers.

Did you know: Black on black crimes kills more blacks PER YEAR than the KKK killed in 85 years.

We have to stop the conditional outrage. It seems as if we are only angered when black people die by the hands of (people who look) white. Be outraged that we are dying by the hands of our own community members. Be outraged that violence and homicide disproportionately affects our youth, stifling their chances at life. Be outraged that WE, as a community, support such behaviors and do nothing to curtail the pattern. 

We are our own enemy. There is no way in HELL that we can expect for other people to treat us appropriately when we don't even treat ourselves with love and respect.

Stop promoting and supporting violence. Stop promoting and supporting negative images of ourselves. Stop promoting and supporting violent TV shows and music. Stop teaching your children that violence is okay. Stop promoting and supporting messages that divide us. Stop turning the other cheek when it comes to black on black crime. 

We have GOT TO do better and it starts with YOU, YOUR family, in YOUR household, on YOUR street, and in YOUR neighborhood.

SPREAD KNOWLEDGE, ACCEPTANCE, AND LOVE. We can do this. I know we can. 

Peace.